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A popular theory says, “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” I don’t know if that is true or not. I believe you are influenced to some degree by a lot of different associations you have. It is up to you to decide who you choose to be influenced by. I do understand the basic meaning of the theory. A certain group of associates can indeed influence you positively or negatively. I have chosen not to be influenced by negative people even if I find myself in their presence from time to time. I find it much better to surround myself with people who have a positive mindset. There are times when you need to look around and see how those around you are conducting themselves. Are they lifting you or bringing you down? You may be surprised to know that if you are unhappy with your life right now, one of the reasons might be because of the people you choose to associate with daily. Psychologist Dr. David McClelland concluded that the people you associate with determine as much as 95% of your success or failure in life. That’s a stunning percentage. As humans, we are social beings and respond to our environment. It’s a fact that we are often influenced by what we are directly and consistently associated with. Oftentimes, we may not even realize we are being influenced by someone or by our environment. The influence doesn’t just happen overnight. It develops over some time until it becomes normalized. You’ve heard parents say, my kid is good, he was just hanging out with a bad crowd. There is some truth to that. Peer pressure is real. It doesn’t just happen with kids. It’s real for adults as well. We all want to belong and be accepted, so we find ourselves acquiescing to the group. That’s fine if the group is having a positive influence and helping us to achieve a better life.

To understand this, we need to ask ourselves three key questions. These questions come from American Business Philosopher Jim Rohn's book, Leading an Inspired Life. Question one, who am I around? Take note of the people you most often associate with and evaluate them. What type of behaviors are they exhibiting? Is it something you want to emulate? Question two, what effect are they having on me? Look at the things you are doing and saying, the places you are going, and how you feel when you are with them. Question three, is this, OK? Some associates may be a good positive influence. On the other hand, some may be a negative draining influence. This is where you have to take an honest objective look and make some hard decisions. Decide where you want to go and what you want your life to be like. After evaluating, it’s time to divide your associations into three distinct categories; disassociation, limited association, and expanded association.

Disassociation. This is the most difficult one to deal with. Sometimes you just need to cut people completely off. It can be a very difficult thing to do. The truth is we rarely choose to get out of our comfort zone. It’s safe there. We know exactly what we are dealing with. However, if you are dealing with negative people, and you are unable to steer them in a positive direction, it’s time to let them go. This doesn’t mean they can never again be in your circle. But if they do resurface, it must be with a better vibe and a more positive influence than before. Just remember, you can’t change people, they have to decide to change.

Limited Association. This is exactly what it sounds like. Limit the amount of time you spend with certain people. There are certain circumstances when we may not be able to avoid someone completely, such as co-workers, relatives, friends, or acquaintances. We can spend a few minutes, but not hours, these are people we can spend a few minutes with. We have relatives, friends, or acquaintances we see at functions and might find ourselves spending an hour or two, but never a day or two.

Expanded Association. This means spending more time with the right people. The right people are those who empower and inspire you, hold you accountable, and celebrate your success. To live up to your potential and accomplish your goals, put yourself in a position to meet the type of people to help you get there. Joining organizations, social groups, and distinguished clubs is a good way to establish those connections. Remember, you will always attract in life to what you are. That’s why being fake rarely works long-term. Be your genuine self and the right people will migrate towards you. Don’t be stymied by people holding you back when making your dreams and goals a reality. Take a hard look around you. It just might be time for an upgrade!"