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A popular theory says, “you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” I don’t know if that is true or not. I believe you are influenced to some degree by a lot of different associations you have. It is up to you to decide who you choose to be influenced by. I do understand the basic meaning of the theory. A certain group of associates can indeed influence you positively or negatively. I have chosen not to be influenced by negative people even if I find myself in their presence from time to time. I find it much better to surround myself with people who have a positive mindset. There are times when you need to look around and see how those around you are conducting themselves. Are they lifting you or bringing you down? You may be surprised to know that if you are unhappy with your life right now, one of the reasons might be because of the people you choose to associate with daily. Psychologist Dr. David McClelland concluded that the people you associate with determine as much as 95% of your success or failure in life. That’s a stunning percentage. As humans, we are social beings and respond to our environment. It’s a fact that we are often influenced by what we are directly and consistently associated with. Oftentimes, we may not even realize we are being influenced by someone or by our environment. The influence doesn’t just happen overnight. It develops over some time until it becomes normalized. You’ve heard parents say, my kid is good, he was just hanging out with a bad crowd. There is some truth to that. Peer pressure is real. It doesn’t just happen with kids. It’s real for adults as well. We all want to belong and be accepted, so we find ourselves acquiescing to the group. That’s fine if the group is having a positive influence and helping us to achieve a better life.

To understand this, we need to ask ourselves three key questions. These questions come from American Business Philosopher Jim Rohn's book, Leading an Inspired Life. Question one, who am I around? Take note of the people you most often associate with and evaluate them. What type of behaviors are they exhibiting? Is it something you want to emulate? Question two, what effect are they having on me? Look at the things you are doing and saying, the places you are going, and how you feel when you are with them. Question three, is this, OK? Some associates may be a good positive influence. On the other hand, some may be a negative draining influence. This is where you have to take an honest objective look and make some hard decisions. Decide where you want to go and what you want your life to be like. After evaluating, it’s time to divide your associations into three distinct categories; disassociation, limited association, and expanded association.

Disassociation. This is the most difficult one to deal with. Sometimes you just need to cut people completely off. It can be a very difficult thing to do. The truth is we rarely choose to get out of our comfort zone. It’s safe there. We know exactly what we are dealing with. However, if you are dealing with negative people, and you are unable to steer them in a positive direction, it’s time to let them go. This doesn’t mean they can never again be in your circle. But if they do resurface, it must be with a better vibe and a more positive influence than before. Just remember, you can’t change people, they have to decide to change.

Limited Association. This is exactly what it sounds like. Limit the amount of time you spend with certain people. There are certain circumstances when we may not be able to avoid someone completely, such as co-workers, relatives, friends, or acquaintances. We can spend a few minutes, but not hours, these are people we can spend a few minutes with. We have relatives, friends, or acquaintances we see at functions and might find ourselves spending an hour or two, but never a day or two.

Expanded Association. This means spending more time with the right people. The right people are those who empower and inspire you, hold you accountable, and celebrate your success. To live up to your potential and accomplish your goals, put yourself in a position to meet the type of people to help you get there. Joining organizations, social groups, and distinguished clubs is a good way to establish those connections. Remember, you will always attract in life to what you are. That’s why being fake rarely works long-term. Be your genuine self and the right people will migrate towards you. Don’t be stymied by people holding you back when making your dreams and goals a reality. Take a hard look around you. It just might be time for an upgrade!"

Mindset Maintenance

What exactly does mindset maintenance mean? The simple explanation is the way we view things. Our mindset is often influenced by our life experiences and values. At any given moment, it can directly impact the level of happiness, sadness, motivation, or grief we are experiencing. We can control how we live our lives by controlling our mindset. There are two types of mindsets; fixed and growth.

People with a fixed mindset believe that qualities, like intelligence, ability, or talent, are fixed, unchangeable traits. Since they typically believe these abilities are inherited or God-given, they don’t spend time or effort developing them. For example, have you ever heard someone say something like, my dad was a plumber, my grandaddy was a plumber, and his father was a plumber? Plumbing is in my blood so that’s what I do. From that point on, all they desire to do is plumbing. They don’t think about or aspire to do anything else. Now I’m not picking on plumbers. They make a very good living. I know, I’ve had to pay a few. That’s just a basic example of a fixed mindset. Individuals with a fixed mindset typically shy away from challenges, fearing that poor performance or failure will confirm that they are unable to accomplish a particular task or goal. It will be very difficult to embrace change, growth, or goal accomplishment with this limited thought process. To advance beyond your current set of circumstances, you need to have a growth mindset.

People with a growth mindset embrace the idea of challenge, growth, and advancement. They view obstacles and even mistakes as opportunities to learn and prosper. They believe they can develop their abilities through hard work, persistence, and asking for help when needed. A Growth mindset empowers you to take risks and keep trying until you succeed. Failure is not an option. Much of mindset maintenance begins with conditioning your mind into speaking and believing what you desire into existence. Dr. Norman Vincent Peale wrote a book titled “The Power of Positive Thinking.” In this book, he writes about how a growth mindset and a positive attitude can propel you to great heights and help you succeed in all aspects of your life. A big part of mindset maintenance is developing a daily routine of generating positive energy.

Each of us can consciously control our thoughts, which can lead to increased happiness and a healthier, better life. This begins with self-awareness. Self-awareness is the ability to focus objectively on how your actions, thoughts, and emotions affect you, others, and all aspects of your life. A positive mindset can help you think more clearly, focus, and live stress-free. On the other hand, a negative mindset can drain you, keep you depressed, and unable to grow beyond your current circumstances. There are many ways to groom your mind into a routine of positive energy. The key is to find something that works for you. For me, it is a daily incantation and reading a positive message every day. What works for one person, might not work for someone else. Whether is listening to a song, meditating, exercising, or taking a walk, find a way to get your day started with a positive vibe. One very important piece to this puzzle is to schedule time for your mindset maintenance. No matter what you have going on in your day, don’t neglect your mind. Your peace, sanity, and livelihood depend on it.

America Under Siege; From The Top Down!

For the past year and a half  I've been watching our country deteriorate into something I hardly recognize. Our so called leader is taking us down a dark and dreary path. I've been watching and listening and just doing the SMH thing. But I haven't taken any action or really done anything. So today my doing something begins with calling it out the way I see it. It is now painfully obvious, even to those who insist on defending him, that our President is a complete and total embarrassment. Yes, I said our President. Even though I personally didn't vote for him, I am a citizen of the country he unfortunately leads. Of course his supporters will somehow find a way to blame all of this on Obama. The President Of The United States stood shoulder to shoulder with the Russian dictator and sided with HIM over his own national intelligence officials. That alone was despicable enough. However, 45 decided he needed to take it a step further and denigrate his own country on the world stage. He actually believes the word of Vladimir Putin over 17 intelligence organizations concerning Russian interference in the 2016 election. After that disgraceful performance, it appears that Putin clearly has something on Trump.This is really only a small part of the problem with this man being the leader of our country. There are a plethora of reasons why he has no business being President, but it would take an eternity to explore all of them.
The biggest reason, in my opinion, is that he simply doesn't give a damn about anything or anyone but himself. We have a President who's completely devoid of any leadership skills. He's demonstrated that time and time again. This is all just one gigantic reality show to him. Ratings are all that matter. He has no desire or ability to take or even evaluate advice from experts who are trying to advise him. He really believes he's the smartest guy in the room. I think we all know that's simply not the case. Even though he seems to reach a new low on a consistent basis, it shouldn't come as much of a surprise. This is who he's always been. Donald Trump has mastered the art of the con. Unfortunately for our country, he's leading the government the same way he's led his businesses into bankruptcy on at least seven occasions. The Republican led congress has been complicit by their silence and inaction on many of the issues plaguing this administration.The question now is what happens next? Although I would like to believe that congress will take some action to keep 45 in check, I just don't see it happening. Hopefully I'm wrong on this one. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
The one thing that can make a difference is voting this November and in 2020. We have to do more than posturing, talking, and marching. Yes, we must constantly bring attention to the issues and the corruptness, but to make a difference we have to get out and vote. I applaud Maxine Waters for her strength and courage amidst the onslaught of criticism and hate she's been receiving. I really wish more Democrats had the guts to stand and fight like she's doing. Standing on the sidelines making noise but taking no action is pointless. As we witnessed in 2016, voting does matter! So let's continue to make noise and sound the drum, but put action behind our deeds. Don't talk about it, be about it! The best way to end the madness is to remove the madman. It is time for him to go!

The Lies We Tell

We lie to ourselves on a daily basis. These lies cover up our perceived shortcomings and prevent us from taking risks. Ultimately, these lies limit our lives and our ability to enjoy life fully. In the end, our lies serve the purpose of making us feel better in the short-term. You may not even be aware of the lies you tell yourself. Let's take a look at a few and debunk them outright.

“I don’t have a choice.” We all have an unlimited number of options available to us at any time. You might not feel brave or capable enough to consider them all, but you do have options. Consider what advice you would give a friend in a similar situation. Or determine what your most capable friend would do. Can you do the same?

“If I do X or say Y, people will think less of me.” Thought it’s hard to believe, no one cares. Everyone is too preoccupied with their own lives or else wondering what your opinion is of them.If you believe you’re worthy, you won’t have these types of thoughts. You’re good enough to do and say what you want.


“It’s too late for me.” People have graduated from medical school in their 60’s. An 80-year old successfully climbed Mount Everest. Bottom line, if you're still breathing, you still have a chance to accomplish something. Do you still think it’s too late?
Many things become less convenient as we get older. For example, it’s more challenging to go back to school when you have a family and a full-time job compared to a single, 20-year old. But challenging and impossible are completely different. You have to determine how passionate you are about what you want. Don't let convenient excuses deter you.

“Anything short of perfect is failure.” If you have to be the best at something before you’ll try, you’ll never get off the couch. Most of us may not have the potential to be the best at anything, but we can all be pretty good at just about anything. However, it requires time and effort. It's perfectly fine to aim to be the best, but you must first get started.

Stop comparing yourself to others. We are not all meant to have the same abilities, talents, or even blessings. What's meant for you is for you. That’s another sign of feeling unworthy. There’s no reason to be competitive with everything you do. Enjoy yourself without worrying about how well you’re doing or what somebody is doing or what they have. Stay focused on your own dreams and goals and the blessings will flow.

“I’d be happy if I had more money.” Studies have shown that happiness and income are only correlated up to a salary of roughly $70,000 per year. That means that millionaires are no happier than those that make $70,000 annually. I know most of us may think if we had millions, our life would be so much better. Actually, there would most likely be more problems. If you can pay your bills each month, money isn’t limiting your happiness.

“I can change him (or her).” Unlikely. Think about how hard is to change yourself, even when you want to change. Now imagine how difficult it is to change someone else, especially if that other person doesn’t want to change. It's not gonna happen. Learn to accept others as they are. If something about them is too disagreeable, then it might be time to move on.

“I’m limited in my ability to accomplish anything.” It has been said that learning to walk and talk are far more challenging than anything else anyone has ever accomplished. Even though you may have a few issues to resolve, you're much more capable than you think.
We are masters at deluding ourselves. We lie to the person in the mirror in order to protect ourselves – to make us feel better. Avoid giving up your future in order to appease your emotions in the short-term. It could be argued that the purpose of all self-help is to learn how to lie to ourselves less frequently. Try it! You might actually like what you find.